In 2022 two women were killed in separate incidents accompanying a custodial parent to a child custody meetup. SafeHaven’s Kathryn Jacob explores the dangers of child custody in an abusive relationship and what we can do to combat the issue.

custody exchange

The fatality review team saw two cases in 2022 where violence erupted during a custody exchange. The intended victims in both cases lived, but the friend/family accompanying them died at the hands of an abusive father/ex-partner.

Custody exchanges in relationships with a history of intimate partner violence (IPV) can be unsafe for several reasons. First, there is always a risk of physical violence. The abusive partner may use the exchange of children as an opportunity to confront or harm the other parent. This puts everyone in danger.

More common is emotional and psychological abuse. IPV often includes these forms of abuse and they can arise during a custody exchange. Abusive partners sometimes use this time to manipulate, threaten, or intimidate the victim parent. This can cause distress to the victim and the child(ren). Children witnessing abuse are victims in their own right, and those who are present during a custody exchange where abuse takes place between their parents can have long-lasting psychological and emotional effects on them. Witnessing abuse can lead to trauma and can negatively impact a child’s well-being.

While in the presence of one another, an abusive parent can use custody exchange to coerce or manipulate a victim parent into signing an Affidavit of Non-Prosecution (“dropping charges”), or attempt to change the custody arrangements.

Abusers are unpredictable and custody exchange provides an opportunity for abusers to engage in erratic or dangerous behavior. This air of unpredictability can make custody exchanges particularly risky. These exchanges can escalate tensions that already exist between parents, and can present triggers for further violence. Given these risks, it is essential for individuals in domestic violence situations to prioritize safety and explore all options for custody exchange. This can include:

  • Supervised exchange locations – like Family Court Services (connect with them at (817) 884-1265). SafeHaven is also working on expanding the network of supervised exchange sites.

  • Safe locations – like a police station

  • Ensure Protective Orders are in place and enforced

  • Seek legal advice

  • Document everything